Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
