oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
