We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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