Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize