we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
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