the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
