I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
