she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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