Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
