I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
