ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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