Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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