i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You need a sexual gate keeper
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
