2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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