I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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