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I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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