Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
