The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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