i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
His nipple licking is glorious
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