That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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