Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Fuck appropriateness.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
