Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
