alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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