If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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