everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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