ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
