I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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