dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
