he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
