I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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