it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
