Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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