he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
