I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
