I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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