i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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