Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
