the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize