this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
