I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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