Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
