Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
