i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
