Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
