I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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