The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
