He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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