Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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