I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
