I wish I could punch you in the face.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
No I am not eating basil off your cock
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
