so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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