Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize