I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
