i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
our cab driver is having phone sex.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
