i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
