So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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