I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
