Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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