Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
