If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
