i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
