the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
