all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
