She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
