i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize