Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
