You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
