apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
