dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
should my penis look like a turkey
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
