Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
