They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
