hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
