I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
