I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
