I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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