If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
