Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
