Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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